Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
My liver just had a heart attack.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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