Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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