He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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