it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
