Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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