What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
