I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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