So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
