this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
