I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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