I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
