You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
