my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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