All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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