My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize