I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She told me I should be a condom model.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
