Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
