3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
