Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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