Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
