Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
