Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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