The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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