what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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