Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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