You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
