He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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