Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
