my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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