I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
