she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
