what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
