i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
