Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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