I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
