but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
