I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
