Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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