pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
