True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
NoShamevember. You game?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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