i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
