Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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