this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
