if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
