Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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