Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize