Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
