Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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