Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
did i just pee glitter
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
