I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
