Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
