Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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