Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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