he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
