he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
