god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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