I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
