Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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