Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
