I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
