I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
