I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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