Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
