just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
