I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
