he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
