I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
