i was rollin on her like bob the builder
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
