I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
