He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
