doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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