Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Randomize
