woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
